For the moment I am sitting on a couch, laptop in lap of course~! with Michael sleeping soundly beside me. It's hard to explain why, but in these moments when he sleeps I think I love him more than when he is awake. (not to say that it is better in any way) but just that it makes me feel closer to him, knowing that he is so comfortable with me that he can lay there with his guard down. (secretly I want to attack him~! Mu Wa HAHA~!) *evil glare* ah but I won't, love him too much to do anything to him except to pat his head gentle and kiss his forehead.
Ah...sigh.. But my relationship with him is always so rewarding, and I do not believe that I have ever felt more at home, or more myself with anyone else. If the emotional benefits weren't enough already, he is always one to give me a pep talk when it is needed. (confidence booster? a plus!) It is difficult to feel low or to lack confidence around him, since he is always ready to voice his opinions where appropriate.
Soon we will be getting a house together though, and I can't help but feel a bit nervous! I've never lived with anyone but friends (my current location being my sisters home) I have never had the chance to stay with someone I was dating, and for it to be a place to ourselves? Even if it is just a rental, the chance to decorate it is going to be amazing~! I cannot wait to go crazy on the place~! But if you can conceive it, Michael has never even met my mother. Not that it is much of an issue, but just that I come from a very disapproving family that always has something to say about everyone, and I am not sure that they will warm up to him as much as I would like them to. Not to mention I have never been too close to my mother, not in the same ways as most girls would like to have mother to daughter relationships. My mother and I have always been very distant from each other emotionally, we can talk to each other easily enough, but it has always been as if there is a fence between the two of us, a fence that my sister has never seemed to have issues jumping over.
Yet even still with all my worries over my family and my fears of things that are new, I am able to say that I feel wholeheartedly that being with Michael may very well be the best decision I have ever made, and that I have no problem seeing a future with him, one that will be filled to the brim with love and one that will always be give and take. I can not help but to feel as if I have found the perfect person for me, and I am ready to step into this new world with its new experiences, and reap all that it has to offer with him by my side.
~ Rebecca
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Feeling Low but Optimistic~!
Looking around at all the various blogs that lay around here makes me think just a bit that I may need to work a bit harder on mine. Everyone else's just looks sooo amazing and great~! I can't help but feel a little bit of blog envy. T_T *sobs*
Ok well time to get to work~! The best things come to those who put forth enough dedication and hardwork~! (At least I hope)
Wish me luck~!
Ok well time to get to work~! The best things come to those who put forth enough dedication and hardwork~! (At least I hope)
To Be Honest...=_=
To be quiet honest, I had actually forgotten that I had even made a blogger when I became unable to pay for internet... but now that I am back, I am happy to say that I am making some major changes to my...erm...list of dedications, and this blog happens to be placing in top 10. I just don't ever seem to start anything new and actually see it through until I feel that it is finished, so I am making this something to push forward with and actually attempt at. For those who may know me personally, it is very very very rare for this to happen.
On another note I was very please to see that I had somehow acquired followers. I am not quiet certain how, but it did make me feel a tad bit better about my situation of forgetfulness. Anyhow~!
An update as to my current state of affairs...
I have a lovely boyfriend named Michael now, if you need a description of how he looks, picture a viking and you would be about in the right area. We are currently planning a move to our own home soon, perhaps in a month or so time, and we will be taking with us his cat Byron (and yes he is very lordly), and my best friend Jacob (a.k.a Mr. GaGa.. which he will be known of for now on!) .In other news I dyed my hair several different colors finally deciding on a medium brown, I moved into the spare bedroom of my sister and her boyfriends home, and my grandmother Emma (after many months of suffering from cancer) finally was able to let go and passed on. I did of course cry and mourn, but knowing that her suffering is over is making it all very bearable.
If I remember correctly, I did manage to graduate a few months back.. not sure how, but I did, and am now attempting to start cosmetology school. That is not to say, that I do not wish to attend college because I very much do, but I also want to own my own businesses one day, and owning a salon and utilizing what artistic abilities I have will open many doors to starting other establishments as long as work hard on the first. My goal will always be to one day open a small cafe. I want it to be very modern and yet vintage, it will sell many different teas and coffees from around the world, yet serve as a small bakery and dessert stop as well. I want it to play lively and calm indie music, but also to occasionally feature small bands, and to display local artists works. Thinking of the future like this, and dreaming of this goal keeps me in check for what I am doing now. I know that if I work hard and put a ton of love and faith into it, I can reach any and every goal that I seek.
But for now, I will stick with this blog and what can go from it. To reach my goals I must have patience and dedication.
ahh anyhow. untill next time, all my love~!
xoxoxo
~Rebecca
On another note I was very please to see that I had somehow acquired followers. I am not quiet certain how, but it did make me feel a tad bit better about my situation of forgetfulness. Anyhow~!
An update as to my current state of affairs...
I have a lovely boyfriend named Michael now, if you need a description of how he looks, picture a viking and you would be about in the right area. We are currently planning a move to our own home soon, perhaps in a month or so time, and we will be taking with us his cat Byron (and yes he is very lordly), and my best friend Jacob (a.k.a Mr. GaGa.. which he will be known of for now on!) .In other news I dyed my hair several different colors finally deciding on a medium brown, I moved into the spare bedroom of my sister and her boyfriends home, and my grandmother Emma (after many months of suffering from cancer) finally was able to let go and passed on. I did of course cry and mourn, but knowing that her suffering is over is making it all very bearable.
If I remember correctly, I did manage to graduate a few months back.. not sure how, but I did, and am now attempting to start cosmetology school. That is not to say, that I do not wish to attend college because I very much do, but I also want to own my own businesses one day, and owning a salon and utilizing what artistic abilities I have will open many doors to starting other establishments as long as work hard on the first. My goal will always be to one day open a small cafe. I want it to be very modern and yet vintage, it will sell many different teas and coffees from around the world, yet serve as a small bakery and dessert stop as well. I want it to play lively and calm indie music, but also to occasionally feature small bands, and to display local artists works. Thinking of the future like this, and dreaming of this goal keeps me in check for what I am doing now. I know that if I work hard and put a ton of love and faith into it, I can reach any and every goal that I seek.
But for now, I will stick with this blog and what can go from it. To reach my goals I must have patience and dedication.
ahh anyhow. untill next time, all my love~!
xoxoxo
~Rebecca
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 2
Day 2 into my blogging journey started quiet early this morning since I have become accustomed to waking up early for school. So at 5 this morning when I hauled my butt out of bed I took a look around my room (it was still rather dark through my curtains) and decided that I should just lay back down for abit. When even that became boring I got up and began walking around the house, feeling like I hadn't moved in ages for some strange reason. While walking it occurred to me that I may have received an email back from my Aunt Maria in Ohio since I had sent her one last night. As I assumed I was right and I promptly typed her a reply while my cat Koombje fought for my attention off to the side.
To be honest, these last few nights have been rather restless for me. I rarely sleep well, but it seems that lately I have been having even less luck. I am not even sure of the reason why, but I seriously hope that it resolves itself soon~!
For the first few hours this morning I experimented with various makeup ideas (non of which came out well), and I watched many gurus on Youtube. They always inspire me to work harder on my own channel although I rarely make it past forming an idea in my head or on paper. Alas, even if I was to form a good idea that people would be interested in I still have the issue of my outdated computer. It doesn't have a decent video editor, and the one that it does have can not keep up with my HD camera. ;( Heres hoping that this issue also becomes resolved very soon~!
On other business, I hope to soon be working on a series of watercolor paintings that will focus on my views of the soul and perhaps on the subject of death and the afterlife. A purely personal venture, I realize... but perhaps worth it since it will give me something to do with my restless hands on these snow days.
[Daily Stats]
(Bf/Gf relationship) Doing alright for the moment, however it would seem I get far too angry sometimes. Cody never argues or fights back and this can be rather frustrating~!
(Mental Health) I am actually rather depressed lately. Especially when thinking of another birthday passing.
(Home Life) Rather tense for the moment. My mother's boyfriend Gary seems to be throwing more fits than normal....but then again "normal" for him is acting like a 5 yr old....
(Goals) I am no closer to reaching any goal. My goal of being a Youtube Partner is still sooooo far away that it isn't even funny. My goal of travel is of course void until I am out of highschool and until I have significant amounts of money.
To be honest, these last few nights have been rather restless for me. I rarely sleep well, but it seems that lately I have been having even less luck. I am not even sure of the reason why, but I seriously hope that it resolves itself soon~!
For the first few hours this morning I experimented with various makeup ideas (non of which came out well), and I watched many gurus on Youtube. They always inspire me to work harder on my own channel although I rarely make it past forming an idea in my head or on paper. Alas, even if I was to form a good idea that people would be interested in I still have the issue of my outdated computer. It doesn't have a decent video editor, and the one that it does have can not keep up with my HD camera. ;( Heres hoping that this issue also becomes resolved very soon~!
On other business, I hope to soon be working on a series of watercolor paintings that will focus on my views of the soul and perhaps on the subject of death and the afterlife. A purely personal venture, I realize... but perhaps worth it since it will give me something to do with my restless hands on these snow days.
[Daily Stats]
(Bf/Gf relationship) Doing alright for the moment, however it would seem I get far too angry sometimes. Cody never argues or fights back and this can be rather frustrating~!
(Mental Health) I am actually rather depressed lately. Especially when thinking of another birthday passing.
(Home Life) Rather tense for the moment. My mother's boyfriend Gary seems to be throwing more fits than normal....but then again "normal" for him is acting like a 5 yr old....
(Goals) I am no closer to reaching any goal. My goal of being a Youtube Partner is still sooooo far away that it isn't even funny. My goal of travel is of course void until I am out of highschool and until I have significant amounts of money.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The View from 17 and other Melodrama
It occurred to me today, that in exactly one week from today I will turn the ever promising age of 18. For mos t high school students, turning 18 is the main event, the big moment where they are official adults. For the average girl turning 18, this is their moment of passage into the world of womanhood, parties, and more responsibility than they can handle. For them a big event, for me it will just be another day marking my life of uselessness.
I am a 17 year old that is unlike others. Not that I am special, but that I am the exact opposite. I have no high school job except for a bus route where I watch children once a week. I cannot drive for the fear that I will die if I do. And I have NEVER, not once in my entire time as a teenager been invited to a party.
This is not to say that I don't have friends. In fact, I have many, but they all few me as an "old person". Too responsible, not reckless and crazy enough for their exciting lives. I am often being told that I remind my friends of their parents, which is of course not a good thing. Somehow I managed a personal life for the longest time though. I had a boyfriend of whom I thought was the world (a grim mistake). We dated for four whole years, and then he cheated twice, once again because I am boring. Some time passed and I am now with another boy by the name of Cody. Cody has been my long time friend (since we were two, in fact) and he has always stood by me, I hardly deserve him, but I am glad to have him.
Regardless;
The view from 17 is not so wonderful. I am a senior with no college plans "undeclared", with a cat, a fish, and two dogs, sitting in my bedroom typing on a laptop. I have dreams and ambitions that I rarely follow through with. But there is this. I have promised myself to blog every possible day. If no one reads that is fine, if someone does that is equally as good. But as it stands...this isn't looking so good.
bvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv <---the cat typed this up for me while she stretched on the keypad. Somehow I think she is trying to be supportive. -_-'
<--- Dinner....Rice with food dye...yum...Cheese and Bread. I wasn't very hungry at all...
I am a 17 year old that is unlike others. Not that I am special, but that I am the exact opposite. I have no high school job except for a bus route where I watch children once a week. I cannot drive for the fear that I will die if I do. And I have NEVER, not once in my entire time as a teenager been invited to a party.
This is not to say that I don't have friends. In fact, I have many, but they all few me as an "old person". Too responsible, not reckless and crazy enough for their exciting lives. I am often being told that I remind my friends of their parents, which is of course not a good thing. Somehow I managed a personal life for the longest time though. I had a boyfriend of whom I thought was the world (a grim mistake). We dated for four whole years, and then he cheated twice, once again because I am boring. Some time passed and I am now with another boy by the name of Cody. Cody has been my long time friend (since we were two, in fact) and he has always stood by me, I hardly deserve him, but I am glad to have him.
Regardless;
The view from 17 is not so wonderful. I am a senior with no college plans "undeclared", with a cat, a fish, and two dogs, sitting in my bedroom typing on a laptop. I have dreams and ambitions that I rarely follow through with. But there is this. I have promised myself to blog every possible day. If no one reads that is fine, if someone does that is equally as good. But as it stands...this isn't looking so good.
bvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv <---the cat typed this up for me while she stretched on the keypad. Somehow I think she is trying to be supportive. -_-'
<--- Dinner....Rice with food dye...yum...Cheese and Bread. I wasn't very hungry at all...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)